Chapter 6
The news story aired two days later.
I didn't watch it.
But people told me about it.
Diane sat in a comfortable chair, crying into a tissue.
She talked about being a loving grandmother.
About how she'd only wanted to help.
About how I was a dangerous, unstable woman who'd attacked her.
About how Ryan had been brainwashed.
About how Lily was a confused child.
She showed the red mark on her cheek.
The one from my slap.
But she didn't show the video.
She didn't mention what she'd done to Noah.
The comments on the news station's website were brutal.
Some people believed her.
"How could that daughter-in-law hit an old lady?"
"She should be in jail!"
But other people saw through it.
"Where's the other side of the story?"
"This woman looks like she's acting."
"Wait until the video comes out."
Our lawyer advised us not to respond.
"Let her dig her own grave," she said. "The more she talks, the more she contradicts herself. And when the criminal trial happens, the jury will see who she really is."
But it was hard.
People stared at me at the grocery store.
Whispered behind my back.
I started having panic attacks.
My chest would get tight.
I couldn't breathe.
I felt like Diane was everywhere.
Like she was watching me.
Therapy helped.
Dr. Chen, my individual therapist, taught me breathing exercises.
She helped me separate other people's opinions from the truth.
"The people who matter know the truth," she said. "The people who love you. And that's all that matters."
Ryan was struggling too.
He'd always wanted his mother's approval.
Even when she was cruel.
Even when she was controlling.
He'd always hoped that one day she'd change.
That she'd be the mother he needed.
Now that hope was gone.
And he was grieving.
"I keep having dreams," he told me one night. "Dreams where she's normal. Where she loves Noah. Where she's kind to Lily. And then I wake up and remember what she did."
I held him.
"It's okay to grieve the mother you wish you had. It doesn't make you weak. It makes you human."
That weekend, Sarah came over with a box.
"I found these when I was cleaning out the attic at Mom's old house," she said.
It was full of old journals.
Diane's journals.
From when Ryan and Sarah were kids.
"I thought you should see them," Sarah said.
We sat down and started reading.
And what we found broke our hearts.
"Ryan cried for an hour today because he fell and scraped his knee. I told him to stop being a baby. Boys don't cry."
"Sarah is too sensitive. I need to toughen her up. She'll never survive in the real world if she keeps being so soft."
"Ryan brought home a drawing he made for me. It's terrible. I told him he needs to try harder if he wants to impress me."
"Sarah made a friend at school. That girl is a bad influence. I told Sarah she can't play with her anymore. Sarah cried. I told her I know what's best for her."
Page after page.
Years of emotional abuse.
Of manipulation.
Of cruelty.
Ryan closed the journal.
Tears streaming down his face.
"She never loved us," he whispered.
Sarah put her hand on his.
"She didn't know how to love. That's her loss. Not ours."
I looked at the journals.
And suddenly everything made sense.
Diane's cruelty.
Her need for control.
Her hatred of me.
She couldn't control Ryan anymore.
Not when he had me.
Not when he had his own family.
And that made her angry.
So angry she'd tried to destroy it.
Lily walked into the room.
She saw the journals.
She saw Ryan crying.
"What's wrong, Uncle Ryan?"
Ryan wiped his eyes.
He knelt down and pulled Lily into a hug.
"Nothing's wrong, sweetheart. I just realized something."
"What?"
"I realized that I'm going to be the best dad I can be. And the best uncle. And I'm never going to make you or Noah feel the way my mom made me feel."
Lily hugged him back.
"You already are the best uncle."
That night, Ryan and I made a promise to each other.
And to our kids.
We were going to break the cycle.
Noah and Lily would grow up knowing they were loved.
Unconditionally.
They would grow up feeling safe.
And valued.
And heard.
They would never know the pain of being rejected by someone who was supposed to love them.
We were going to give them the childhood that Ryan and Sarah never had.
May you like
And in doing so.
We were going to heal ourselves.
